Breaking Patterns & Rebuilding Yourself with Karen Carey | Buying Local #66

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Speaker 1
Welcome, everyone, to buying local. I’m your host, Mike Nelson from Five Towers Media. I am joined today by an old friend. Great friend, Karen Kerry. Ruby red rode carried out on. I know that it’s Ruby Red road, right?

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Speaker 3
Yeah. Yes, it is.

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Speaker 1
But I don’t know if they’re like, is it like Ruby Red road coaching or is it just ruby red road?

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Speaker 3
It’s ruby red Ruby.

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Speaker 1
Just ruby red road.

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Speaker 3
Okay. That’s that easy.

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Speaker 1
I feel like you don’t really need an introduction because I. I almost feel like everyone knows you. But just in case, people have not had the pleasure of meeting you out and about in the world. Can you just, give our audience to kind of quick who you are and what you do kind of thing, should I?

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Speaker 2
No, I’m just kidding. I,

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Speaker 1
Oh, maybe you want to hear.

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Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2
So I’m an intuitive life coach.

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Speaker 3
I’m.

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Speaker 2
A speaker and an author, and I, you know, the simple version is I help people get to know, like, and trust themselves so that the world can know, like and trust them. And they can go from where they are to where they want to be.

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Speaker 3
So. Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 1
It’s, it’s just so interesting. It’s funny because I was, skimming back through your book again just to reacquaint myself with some of the things that you talked about in it, which is we’re going to talk about your book today just in case. Here it is. So we’re going to talk about your book, but it’s it’s an interesting thing about your industry, right.

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Speaker 1
Like it’s there’s, I think a lot of good, you know, obviously I’m a big personal and professional development junkie. Whatever you wanted, whatever term you wanted there. I’m a big believer in a big proponent of it. And but I still even with that said, Karen, I still have a tough time sometimes. I think you and I have talked about this with that whole industry, the whole coaching industry, with all of it.

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Speaker 1
You know, again, you and I have kind of gone back and forth. But I also know, like how great it is. I know how effective you are. I know you work with a lot of people. I’ve worked with you on an app over the years. I think what you do is amazing and and effective. I promise.

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Speaker 1
There is a question in here somewhere.

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Speaker 3
Well, you.

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Speaker 1
Know, it’s before we get into talking about the book, and what made me think about this is.

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Speaker 1
There is sometimes a stigma associated with the kind of coaching that you do. That’s, I would say, a negative stigma. And I just think that’s because, like any, any industry, there’s a lot of people that are in it that probably shouldn’t be in it doing it, and they kind of give it a bad name. And I know it’s a little off topic, but I just as you’re taught as you were introducing yourself, you’re using words that sometimes people are like, oh, that’s super woo.

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Speaker 1
You know, and I just so I wanted to kind of blow that bomb up in the beginning, like.

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Speaker 3
I like that the.

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Speaker 1
Blowing the bomb up in the beginning.

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Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1
That’s an old Sandler rule. The best way to the best way to defuze a bomb is to blow it up.

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Speaker 3
Okay,

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Speaker 1
But I what? How do you handle that? Like, what are your thoughts on all that, that whole diatribe that just went on about the woo side of coaching and personal feelings and, I’m just curious of of how you approach that.

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Speaker 2
Yeah, it’s interesting because there are so many perspectives to coaching. So many, so many, so many.

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Speaker 3
Right.

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Speaker 2
And so there’s a certain audience out there or, you know, a certain set of people who actually appreciate and want that sort of intuitive part.

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Speaker 2
Didn’t used to have that in my title, but I decided why hide it.

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 2
No. Why not just say like yeah I’m intuitive I see things I hear things sometimes. But I’m also just going to ask you the hard questions. Yeah I call it like I combine the magical and the practical because what used to really frustrate me was I would go to therapy or I would go to coaching or whatever, and it would either be it would all be like in one lane.

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Speaker 2
And for me that never worked. I have to have a relationship with whoever I work with.

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Speaker 2
I mean like they have to be a human with me, not a robot who’s got some structure that it is a really nice tight box.

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Speaker 3
They.

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Speaker 2
Can’t veer outside of and I allow that with my clients as well. Because those are the kind of people that I want to work with. We can laugh. We can, you know, we swear on occasion if somebody wants to, and I guess how I deal with it is I have to deal with it in here first.

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 2
Or that I’m not doubting myself. I have spent so much time studying so many different kinds of coaching, and I still do it.

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Speaker 2
You know, my current one is, as you know, to get out there and be seen. So you know that’s my next step. Right. Because with a million coaches out there I feel like, you know, not to use this word so much. But the know like and trust factor is huge. Now.

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 2
You don’t know who’s real who’s not who’s like you know any good at their job. Do they have a life. Do they. You know what I mean. Are they in the square box or are they outside the box or.

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Speaker 1
Or have they done any of the work that they’re coaching people through? You know, that’s.

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Speaker 3
That’s something.

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Speaker 1
That’s something that Bill Tansey and I had talked about in the past, you know, because we again it’s in every industries. But but the, the coaching industry, I feel like has become so rife with people that haven’t done what they’re coaching people to do. You know, in, in like in Bill’s case, you know, being a part of businesses and implementing these structures and doing all these things, you know, he has real world application of that knowledge and or like in your case, on the life side, you know, and, you know, reading your book, right?

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Speaker 1
Like, you’ve been through a lot of stuff in life and been able to overcome it and go through it and sit with it and, and learn lessons from it, which I think is great. And what we’ll talk about the I’m going to say it wrong could can Suki in Suki.

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Speaker 2
Good job.

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Speaker 1
Okay, good. All right. So, so and we’ll talk about that. But it’s just, you know, there’s just a lot of I don’t want to say bad coaching is I’m not here to disparage anyone, but there’s a lot of coaching that really just only comes from knowledge and doesn’t come from the application of that knowledge.

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Speaker 3
And yeah.

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Speaker 1
So I think that’s like the big differentiator, right? Like you practice many of the things that you preach.

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Speaker 3
And I’m practicing and so.

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Speaker 1
Practicing that’s what I’m saying. Yeah.

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Speaker 3
Like practicing right. So

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Speaker 2
No, I love that. I mean, I think it’s an important part of the conversation. And once again, I’m not like some people are built for the box.

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 2
Right. And they need that for me. Like, it just like, turns me right down. I just shut down, you know? Because it doesn’t feel like a human interaction.

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Speaker 3
I mean.

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Speaker 2
I could work with I for that. Right?

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 1
I just have a life coach. Yeah, that, that that’s that’s kind of in line with some of the coaches that I’m talking about as you might as well be talking to I because it’s just knowledge. It’s not application of that knowledge. Right.

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Speaker 3
Oh and it’s what when you when you did.

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Speaker 2
Your work it wasn’t in a box.

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Speaker 1
Now.

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Speaker 2
I mean there’s structure right. There’s calling out to do something different, but it’s not a box.

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Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it needs to be fluid, I would imagine. And again, you know, working with someone like you, I it’s funny because I, when I was scanning the book this morning and say re scanning, I was scanning the book this morning just to for a couple specific things I wanted to bring up that I remembered from reading it.

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Speaker 1
And, it was just, it was interesting because there’s things in there, especially specifically in the, in, what is it, part three of the book, the later part where you’re starting to get people like, here’s the things that you do.

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Speaker 3
That’s part.

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Speaker 1
Yeah. That were sounded really uncomfortable to me.

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 2
I thought they are.

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Speaker 1
And I was like, oh, like I started to think about it and it was so uncomfortable. Like, I don’t even want to think about it. I think I’m just going to move on now. And I was like, wow. But interesting in that that’s typically that’s where the work is, right? Like the parts that are making you uncomfortable, the parts that you’re kind of hearing and like to me, I hear things that sound woo sometimes and I’m like, I’m that.

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Speaker 1
So right. I don’t want to do any of that shit. And then but realistically, it’s I’m probably immediately turned off by it because it is the work that I really need to do. And I don’t want to do it because it’s going to be the more uncomfortable stuff, which is why I haven’t done it yet. So anyway, I just wanted to ask you about that because it was something that struck me this morning.

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Speaker 1
And then again, when you’re introducing yourself. So, so let’s talk about your book.

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Speaker 2
Well, wait a minute. I feel like.

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Speaker 3
You’ve.

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Speaker 2
You’ve done some uncomfortable work.

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Speaker 1
But some of it, not all of it.

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Speaker 2
Well, you know, I’m always going to challenge people to do the deeper work.

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Speaker 3
Because I feel.

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Speaker 2
Like that’s when we really get to, like, transform. But transform to what? Like, you know what I mean? Like, we.

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Speaker 3
Yeah, we don’t want to.

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Speaker 2
Just do the deep work and then just be left with.

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Speaker 3
That.

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Speaker 2
Right?

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 2
And there has to be a purpose and meaning to it for people or what’s the point.

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Speaker 2
Maybe not. Once again maybe not. Everybody’s built for that. I started so young like like you know from the book like like so fascinated with people like I’ve been obsessed with who people are, what they do, how they do it, why they’re doing it, why they gossiping. What is it? You know.

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Speaker 3
It’s so young.

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Speaker 2
With me that, I mean, this has been my entire life.

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 2
Inside and outside.

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Speaker 1
Yeah. So much, so much to unpack on this card, I. So in that you talk about doing work like one of the things that also I continually think about and I was thinking about this morning as I was going through some of the stuff in your book, and I was like, man, like. I, I mean, a lot of people have been doing so much introspection, personal, were going through coaching, going whatever they’re doing, going to yoga, whatever it is.

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Speaker 1
And it’s like, and I was asking myself the question this morning, like, do you have to revisit some of that stuff? You know, because like, you talk a lot about patterns, right? And in your book, you’ve specifically touched on patterns, right? Like, at the end of each chapter, you have the,

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

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Speaker 1
I forget what the first part is, the story, or maybe the story that you’re telling yourself and then the pattern.

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Speaker 2
And then what I the story I told myself. The pattern, the gold.

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Speaker 1
The gold. Yes. Which I guess we’ll have to, define the conceit. I, I don’t know why I have such a soft time saying it all.

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Speaker 3
You’re doing. Okay.

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Speaker 2
Okay. I meant.

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Speaker 3
Kinsey. Can you say to me, can Suki?

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Speaker 1
So I have to explain that to people, so you understand that. But. But in that, though, I just. I kept thinking, like, there’s patterns in my life that I thought I had overcome years ago. And then they reared their ugly heads up, and all of a sudden I realize I’m in the middle of one. I’m like, how did this come back?

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Speaker 1
I thought, I thought I did this already. I thought, I thought, I thought we were done with that. Right. So I, I’m interested to get into that with you a little bit. So and I know that you and I are going to go off on some tangent, so let’s back up. Karen.

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Speaker 3
Okay.

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Speaker 1
And let’s, let’s define kick can consume me. I don’t know why I have such a time with that feeling.

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Speaker 2
Good a lot of people to. That’s not just you.

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Speaker 1
Okay. Good. Thank you.

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Speaker 2
So most most people know that his or I’ve heard at it or heard of it before where you’ve got a beautiful plate or a vase or something, and it falls and breaks into all these beautiful, beautiful, terrible pieces. And then he put it back together with gold inlay and it becomes, a more beautiful work of art. So that’s the whole premise of the book has, you know, we have lives.

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Speaker 3
And.

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Speaker 2
We there is as hard as this is to believe, sometimes there is gold within every experience we’ve ever had.

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Speaker 2
It doesn’t mean we want to live it again. It doesn’t mean you know the trauma. Maybe it’s there, maybe it’s not. But there is something to learn from. But I don’t mean like I sometimes when, when I use the word learn or people use the word lesson or learn. It’s like a negative connotation.

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Speaker 1
Yeah. Lesson learned.

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Speaker 3
Yeah. And I don’t like that.

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Speaker 2
I feel like it’s more of I’ve had this experience, I understand myself better. I understand my patterns better. I understand where they came from better. And they’re going to come back. But I know when they come back for me, it’s because there’s something I’m not saying or something I’m not doing.

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Speaker 3
Okay. Makes sense. Yeah.

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Speaker 1
Yeah it does.

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Speaker 2
Right. There’s these things that that we don’t handle. And so maybe we want to avoid it or we’ve always been good at or we get angry or, you know, whatever. The thing is that we have that we carry around, that’s our pattern. We’ll come back. And if we’re paying attention, like you said, we’ll notice.

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Speaker 3
It. Yeah.

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Speaker 2
We can say, oh.

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Speaker 1
Let’s doing it again.

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Speaker 3
Okay.

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Speaker 2
What am I not saying? What am I doing. Not doing what is going on here. Not so I mean, we’re not that’s not like fixing ourselves, right?

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Speaker 3
It’s like.

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Speaker 2
We’re humans. We’re going to be we’re going to have these things happen for our entire lives. Pretty much. Unless you’re, you know, some kind of monk or, you know, maybe they don’t have it, but I think sometimes they have a little stuff too.

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Speaker 2
But we’re not sitting on the mountain in a, in an ashram or anything. We are here in life with people around us, family and triggers and so it’s really about learning how to be kind to yourself and also embracing the gold within each experience.

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Speaker 1
Yeah, I thought that was interesting how you did that. At I want to say was, was it in the second part of the book, like where you’re closing each like chapter with those three things?

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Speaker 3
That’s.

00;15;45;28 – 00;16;08;18
Speaker 1
Yeah. So I thought that was really interesting to be able to take a look at all these experiences that are defining us in one way or another, it sounds like. Right. And then being able to see what happened, like the story you’re telling yourself about what happened. And then the is it would you say it’s the underlying pattern?

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Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;16;09;13 – 00;16;18;09
Speaker 1
And would you say that it’s the pattern that’s being built because of the story you’re telling yourself? Or is it you’re telling yourself the story because of the pattern?

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Speaker 2
I feel like the the story comes from the experience that you’ve had.

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Speaker 2
And then to feel safe, we build this pattern around us.

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Speaker 3
Okay. It be.

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Speaker 2
Like, you know always you know hiding or maybe you know getting, just being really good at sports or you know like dressing really sexy or you know you know people have different thing, different ways of staying safe. And you wouldn’t believe how some people do it right. And staying safe means I don’t want to have that experience again.

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Speaker 2
And I don’t want to think about it or know about it. So I’m going to do something else that replaces that.

00;17;04;23 – 00;17;16;23
Speaker 1
And it’s interesting. And so like an easy example. And that’s going to be like drugs or alcohol right. Like yeah people are feeling a certain way. They turn to drugs and alcohol numbs them or whatever they get from it. Right.

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Speaker 3
Absolutely. You know that they have. All right. Yeah.

00;17;21;04 – 00;17;29;03
Speaker 1
What do you think are like some subtle things that people don’t realize that they of patterns.

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Speaker 2
I’ll just talk about myself.

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Speaker 3
Okay.

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Speaker 2
So for me, I it was safe. I was always safest if I was sick.

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Speaker 2
So I spent my life with, like, migraines and, you know, just I don’t I didn’t want them. I didn’t know, and that’s what I was doing that. But that was developed so young, that it was safer to be sick than to not be sick, that that sort of carried with me through my life. Does that make sense?

00;18;09;04 – 00;18;33;29
Speaker 1
Well, I mean, I’m thinking about that part in the book when you talk about that a little bit, a little bit about going to the hospital and the care that you’re giving. And it just made you feel really you had these caregivers around you and being nice to you and, you know, the whole thing. And so because of that, you developed this pattern that was like, If I’m always sick, that means people are going to want to take care of me and give me love and make me feel good.

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Speaker 2
Yeah. And,

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Speaker 1
If I have that right.

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Speaker 2
No, I mean, yeah, it was a way to stay like. And then there’s a little bit more to it. Like if I was sick, there was no violence happening in my world.

00;18;47;23 – 00;18;48;21
Speaker 3
Right.

00;18;48;23 – 00;19;00;05
Speaker 2
And so and then I go to the hospital and, and I’m really being taken care of. So get that, put that combination together and you’ve got like, oh, it’s better to be sick.

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Speaker 3
Not yeah.

00;19;04;07 – 00;19;15;08
Speaker 2
Better to not have fun. Better to be small and insignificant. Better to be, you know, what are some other things?

00;19;15;10 – 00;19;36;20
Speaker 1
Yeah. That’s interesting because you had mentioned in the book is what about funds specifically? I’d love to hear a little bit more about that. I mean, you talk about it in the book, but it’s like, where you were basically that, fund was the new F word, right? Like that’s the. And you were like, being told that you needed to have fun, which is wild because.

00;19;36;23 – 00;19;41;27
Speaker 1
I don’t think that anyone would think that they don’t have fun. But I guess a lot of people don’t. Right.

00;19;41;29 – 00;19;45;17
Speaker 2
Right. Because there’s this like.

00;19;45;20 – 00;19;48;08
Speaker 2
You know, I can be to, you know, me, I can be too big.

00;19;48;08 – 00;19;54;26
Speaker 3
But times right, I can get I mean, I don’t think so, but you had a really loud laugh sometimes.

00;19;54;26 – 00;20;04;23
Speaker 2
You know, my voice when I get excited and passionate, like, whoa, you know, And I was kind of like that, but I didn’t.

00;20;04;25 – 00;20;06;03
Speaker 3
Think.

00;20;06;06 – 00;20;08;24
Speaker 2
Like, it was kind of unacceptable at the time.

00;20;09;17 – 00;20;12;01
Speaker 2
And I think it for people to be like that.

00;20;15;05 – 00;20;33;13
Speaker 2
So yeah, I mean that I, I go to this reading and you know, and she’s on the phone and she’s like, oh I’m hearing like you said your guides are really funny. And I was like, yeah, why are they saying she’s like, you need to practice the new f word. And I was like, what’s that? She said, fun.

00;20;33;16 – 00;20;48;21
Speaker 2
And I was like, oh, okay. You know, and I didn’t really ever put together that I wasn’t having fun. I have always worked. Sick and work.

00;20;48;23 – 00;20;49;08
Speaker 3
Sick.

00;20;49;08 – 00;20;50;16
Speaker 2
And work sick and work.

00;20;50;24 – 00;20;51;20
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;20;51;22 – 00;20;53;14
Speaker 2
You know, because.

00;20;53;16 – 00;20;53;25
Speaker 3
What.

00;20;53;25 – 00;20;58;17
Speaker 2
Else is there to do, right? Take a vacation, you know, now and again. But you know.

00;20;58;22 – 00;20;59;04
Speaker 3
What’s.

00;20;59;04 – 00;21;00;03
Speaker 2
Fun? You know?

00;21;00;05 – 00;21;05;21
Speaker 3
So. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean.

00;21;05;23 – 00;21;17;20
Speaker 1
I mean, you know, my thoughts on those things. We talk about it often enough, you know, like I’m like, vacation. That sounds terrible. It’s going I gotta work all the time.

00;21;17;22 – 00;21;34;06
Speaker 2
And then of course, the second one and you know, it’s in the book where she says, I mean, when I got it the second time, which was, I don’t know how much later a couple years, or I was like, I sit down. She’s the first thing she says out of her mouth. And I’m at the mind body Soul Expo here, and I have a table and I got a few minutes.

00;21;34;06 – 00;21;47;00
Speaker 2
So I go over and I sit down. She’s like, All work and no play make Karen a dull girl.

00;21;47;02 – 00;21;48;24
Speaker 3
Yeah. Like.

00;21;48;26 – 00;22;15;03
Speaker 2
How is this possible? I’m having fun, art. I. Though that I have to ask myself, like, who am I being in this world, like, so serious and taking. I can be an overthinker. So that’s why I meditate a lot. I read like, you know, the the books that teach me how to get my system to settle down.

00;22;15;06 – 00;22;26;29
Speaker 2
Like if I’m having a, if I’m doing a speaking engagement, like I can be awake for. I remember one time I one time I didn’t sleep for like three weeks, you know, but that was in the beginning of doing some.

00;22;27;00 – 00;22;29;00
Speaker 3
Speech.

00;22;29;02 – 00;22;35;06
Speaker 2
And it was a bigger crowd for the first time. It was like a couple hundred people as opposed to 10 or 12 people, you know.

00;22;35;06 – 00;22;37;26
Speaker 3
Right? Right.

00;22;37;28 – 00;22;55;23
Speaker 2
But even still, I have to, like, keep my nervous system, like, in check when I, no matter what I’m doing. Which means yoga for me. Something called Nia, which is, a dance, choreographed, you know? Great. You know.

00;22;55;25 – 00;22;58;27
Speaker 3
Yeah. Nice thing.

00;22;58;29 – 00;23;05;25
Speaker 2
You know, I have to do the things, and sometimes I don’t. I get, I don’t want to mode.

00;23;05;27 – 00;23;08;05
Speaker 1
Yeah, I know that mode very well.

00;23;08;07 – 00;23;09;08
Speaker 3
Do you feel like that?

00;23;09;08 – 00;23;11;08
Speaker 2
Like I just don’t want to. And then I go for.

00;23;11;08 – 00;23;14;25
Speaker 1
Like, ever feel like. And I feel like that almost all day, every day, you know?

00;23;14;25 – 00;23;15;14
Speaker 2
Right.

00;23;15;17 – 00;23;19;24
Speaker 1
I feel like that. Yeah. Like, I want to do this right now, but I have to do it.

00;23;19;26 – 00;23;21;28
Speaker 3
It’s exactly like.

00;23;21;28 – 00;23;31;26
Speaker 2
And for me, it’s like the stuff of, like, like meditating or something. I just don’t want it to. I don’t feel like it today. Like, why don’t I feel like it?

00;23;31;29 – 00;23;32;12
Speaker 3
You know, it’s.

00;23;32;12 – 00;23;40;19
Speaker 2
Just getting me and my body and settle down and relaxing and, you know, and then I can step into the day properly and.

00;23;40;21 – 00;23;41;19
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;23;41;22 – 00;23;42;22
Speaker 2
Silly.

00;23;42;24 – 00;23;51;02
Speaker 1
So. So when you’re putting the book together, Karen, like, what was that process like for you?

00;23;51;04 – 00;24;05;08
Speaker 2
For me, it was quite an extraordinary process. Because, as you know, the stuff that I talk about is old and deep and very, very traumatizing,

00;24;05;10 – 00;24;26;26
Speaker 1
And very personal, just to say that for the audience. Right. Like, very personal. You’re sharing very personal things within your book that I think probably a lot of people, I mean, I’ve known you for, I don’t know, almost 20 years now. So some of that stuff I knew, but there’s a lot of stuff in there. I, I had never heard before from you.

00;24;26;26 – 00;24;28;29
Speaker 1
So it’s and very personal stuff.

00;24;29;02 – 00;24;36;28
Speaker 2
Yeah. And and the thing is, is, my intention wasn’t for people to really know about me.

00;24;37;14 – 00;24;42;27
Speaker 2
But, it would provide a way for them to understand themselves.

00;24;43;29 – 00;25;00;14
Speaker 2
And in order to do that, I felt like I needed to actually I always feel like people aren’t real enough sometimes in books sometimes because I know I’ve worked with a lot of people in my life and they got shit going on.

00;25;00;17 – 00;25;01;16
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;25;01;18 – 00;25;27;16
Speaker 2
And it looks like these perfect lives and these perfect, everything’s perfect. And no, things are not perfect, but that’s okay, right? It’s not supposed to be perfect, but I always feel like I. I felt like it would open a door to people for people to be able to just, you know, look at their life differently. Maybe give them a little bit of space to explore.

00;25;27;20 – 00;25;28;28
Speaker 2
Like, what are my.

00;25;29;00 – 00;25;29;11
Speaker 3
I wonder.

00;25;29;11 – 00;25;45;19
Speaker 2
What my patterns are, you know, I wonder, you know, is there gold in there? I don’t think so. You know, but ultimately there is. And it was a long process, but it was a good one.

00;25;45;22 – 00;25;51;28
Speaker 1
I, I’m just right now a question here. I want to make sure I ask you, before we.

00;25;52;01 – 00;25;58;27
Speaker 1
Before we end today, which is not yet, obviously, but sorry. I just want to make sure I wrote that down, so forget it.

00;25;58;29 – 00;25;59;05
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;25;59;05 – 00;26;13;29
Speaker 1
So you’re going through this process, you’re writing this book, you’re sharing a lot of personal stuff. I’m curious to know, like. You know, you’re you’re being very vulnerable.

00;26;14;02 – 00;26;14;09
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;26;14;10 – 00;26;27;15
Speaker 1
I’m putting all this stuff down on paper. How many times do you think. Because I’m assuming this happened. How many times do you think you were like, no, I can’t share that, or I probably shouldn’t put that in there?

00;26;27;17 – 00;26;33;08
Speaker 2
Yeah. I mean, I mean, there is nothing spared in this book.

00;26;33;15 – 00;26;35;24
Speaker 3
Yeah. Right. Yeah.

00;26;35;28 – 00;26;37;28
Speaker 1
There’s a lot in there.

00;26;38;00 – 00;26;43;07
Speaker 2
What I thought about most Mike, honestly, is my children as well.

00;26;43;07 – 00;26;45;16
Speaker 1
I’m sorry you cut out there for me.

00;26;45;18 – 00;26;46;26
Speaker 2
My children.

00;26;46;29 – 00;26;49;21
Speaker 3
Okay.

00;26;49;23 – 00;27;19;01
Speaker 2
I thought, what would it what would it be like for them to read this? And will it harm them in any way? I don’t think they’ve actually read it, but I’ve read a couple chapters to them. And the feedback was from my daughters at least. My son was like, you know, they read it. He and his wife read it together in there.

00;27;19;04 – 00;27;22;06
Speaker 3
It’s a good.

00;27;22;08 – 00;27;36;29
Speaker 2
The feedback from them, which encouraged me, by what they said to move forward, was that a lot of books are just like theory.

00;27;37;25 – 00;27;43;29
Speaker 2
And this is not a book that’s about theory. It’s the whole picture.

00;27;44;02 – 00;27;45;05
Speaker 3
As just a.

00;27;45;05 – 00;27;48;08
Speaker 2
Drop of it. Does that make sense?

00;27;48;10 – 00;27;53;18
Speaker 1
No, it does make sense. I mean I’ve read it. So I had the context of what you’re talking about. Right. So

00;27;53;20 – 00;27;56;01
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it was you know, it.

00;27;56;01 – 00;27;59;10
Speaker 3
Was, it was.

00;27;59;12 – 00;28;02;23
Speaker 2
My, my inner children gave me a lot of migraines. Let’s just say.

00;28;02;23 – 00;28;05;10
Speaker 3
That I that.

00;28;05;12 – 00;28;30;02
Speaker 2
Even I don’t have them anymore. So I was like, now we’re going to finish this. That’s it’s going to happen. I don’t care if I have a migraine every day. Let’s gather around and do this and make it happen. And so I did. And, you know, there were some mishaps along the way, as you know, and.

00;28;30;04 – 00;28;36;03
Speaker 1
I mean, yeah, right. Putting a book together, especially one like this is not always, you know, an easy process for sure.

00;28;36;06 – 00;28;37;02
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;28;37;04 – 00;28;46;18
Speaker 2
Exactly. Was it was good, though. It was a actually a, a healing process for me as well.

00;28;46;20 – 00;28;47;20
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;28;47;23 – 00;28;52;03
Speaker 2
And I could have just never put the book out there. And there still would have been healing for me.

00;28;53;12 – 00;28;54;27
Speaker 1
Just writing it down.

00;28;54;29 – 00;29;09;00
Speaker 2
Just writing it down and going through that process of, you know, the story I told myself the, the pattern, the world, you know, that that in itself is revealing, even to me.

00;29;09;02 – 00;29;17;08
Speaker 1
So you talk about that in the book too, like as kind of one of the things to do to help identify these patterns, right, is to start writing things down.

00;29;17;11 – 00;29;19;00
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;29;19;02 – 00;29;37;05
Speaker 1
Which I thought was interesting because it’s like, oh, I was like, oh, I was like. So she literally was, I know that you do this stuff all the time with people that you work with. But also like the act of writing this book was this, I don’t know, I don’t know, cathartic process of being able to get these things out and look at them, and I did.

00;29;37;06 – 00;29;51;01
Speaker 1
Did you find as you were going, as you were doing that process that you learned new lessons or found new gold, so to speak, and some of these experiences that you hadn’t previously identified?

00;29;51;04 – 00;30;00;20
Speaker 2
I believe so, because I hadn’t really thought about it in that way. I didn’t intend to write this book this way. It just sort of came about.

00;30;01;28 – 00;30;28;25
Speaker 2
And that’s not how most people write, but this, you know, the, the pattern and you know, all of that just happened in one after I wrote one thing. And I guess it’s because my first experience just, you know, made the really created these patterns of like just loving humans. Like, what are they doing hiding in the closet, listening to the gossip.

00;30;28;25 – 00;30;32;15
Speaker 2
I am so sorry. I did not mean for that to happen. Can you hear it?

00;30;32;17 – 00;30;34;01
Speaker 3
Can’t hear like.

00;30;34;04 – 00;30;37;23
Speaker 2
Oh. All right, never mind. I’m not sorry.

00;30;37;25 – 00;30;41;01
Speaker 1
The zoom background noise cancellation is pretty good.

00;30;41;01 – 00;30;42;14
Speaker 3
So lovely.

00;30;42;14 – 00;30;45;14
Speaker 2
Yes.

00;30;45;17 – 00;30;46;06
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;30;46;09 – 00;30;56;27
Speaker 2
So, Yeah. So it was really, some of the things were eye opening to me. I didn’t realize I knew the impact the nurses had on me.

00;30;57;20 – 00;31;21;12
Speaker 2
But writing about it was different. Almost like a tribute to them, you know, and I’ve talked about it in other ways before, but, I don’t know, it just sort of really defined it. And then the, like, the, the guidance counselor who said I had a high IQ, right? I mean, that was always in the background for me, and it made me feel like I at least had a half a brain.

00;31;21;15 – 00;31;30;10
Speaker 2
But writing about it once again, like, sort of like it freed things for me. That’s what it did.

00;31;31;05 – 00;31;49;25
Speaker 2
I didn’t have to. When we’re no longer. It’s not like walking behind us all the time. Like saying, I’m here, I’m here. Let’s be safe. Let’s not do this. Let’s not do that. It. It’s a new perspective. It opens the door to, like, looking at things differently.

00;31;49;28 – 00;31;57;13
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. Kind of like reexamine it in a different. Different like. It’s weird what happens when you write things down.

00;31;57;15 – 00;32;00;09
Speaker 3
Yeah, I’ve been writing them, so.

00;32;00;09 – 00;32;01;04
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00;32;01;06 – 00;32;20;17
Speaker 1
Well, and that was you know, that was one of the questions that I was writing down while you’re talking was like, now, I mean, I again, I’ve known you for a long time. I know that you have always done a lot of work in different realms and modalities and been exploring your life in your past from all different points of view and directions.

00;32;20;17 – 00;32;53;06
Speaker 1
And so I it’s and but like you said in the beginning, like you’re still doing work. Right. And I’m my question about all that is, you know, well it’s kind of a two parter, right. It’s number one is like, do all people have patterns all the time that they’re operating? And then the other part of that question is like, how do you revisit these patterns if if you do have patterns all the time, like how do you identify and how do you figure out which patterns are good and bad and what you should work on?

00;32;53;09 – 00;33;29;28
Speaker 2
Yeah. You know, that’s a really good question. I, I perceive that we do all have patterns. However some they’re different for everyone. Some people maybe it’s spending too much money or, you know, for another person it’s drugs and alcohol. For another person, maybe it’s they go from relationship to relationship to relationship because they don’t feel worthy or something.

00;33;30;00 – 00;33;46;11
Speaker 2
But. Sometimes what happens is okay, this is what I used to say to people all the time, when you get sick enough of yourself, you would change.

00;33;47;15 – 00;33;53;03
Speaker 2
It’s when we get sick of the same old experience over and over and over again.

00;33;54;01 – 00;33;57;22
Speaker 2
Something inside of us can wake up and say.

00;33;57;22 – 00;34;00;19
Speaker 3
Oh

00;34;00;21 – 00;34;19;00
Speaker 2
Yes. Here I go again rejecting this beautiful human because I’d rather stay in with this abusive person or I because I’m not worthy of something better or you know, who knows. Right. There’s always different. So many different versions.

00;34;19;02 – 00;34;20;04
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;34;20;06 – 00;34;27;29
Speaker 2
And everybody has their own. Or I’m angry because, you know, I didn’t get what I wanted or, you know, who knows, right.

00;34;29;17 – 00;34;43;05
Speaker 2
And then it’s what kind of steals our life energy from us, and it can stop us from being present. I know I said my work. Yeah, I told you earlier, my word for this year is presents. But that’s.

00;34;43;08 – 00;34;43;19
Speaker 3
All.

00;34;43;19 – 00;34;46;03
Speaker 2
That’s distractions everywhere.

00;34;46;05 – 00;34;47;07
Speaker 3
Yeah. You know.

00;34;47;07 – 00;35;01;10
Speaker 2
Between all of the technology and everything else, so to be more intentional about that. But when people can start being more at once, you notice, you can’t not notice.

00;35;03;04 – 00;35;04;10
Speaker 2
Ultimately.

00;35;04;12 – 00;35;05;12
Speaker 1
The patterns you’re saying.

00;35;05;19 – 00;35;07;15
Speaker 3
But notice them. Yeah.

00;35;07;17 – 00;35;15;20
Speaker 2
Once you notice them, it’s like, oh, and then who am I? Oh there it is again. Oh.

00;35;16;27 – 00;35;20;29
Speaker 2
Okay. Do I want to do this different or not.

00;35;21;01 – 00;35;26;19
Speaker 2
I encourage people to set their intentions. Not like.

00;35;26;22 – 00;35;28;05
Speaker 3
Because.

00;35;28;08 – 00;35;34;19
Speaker 2
Studying things and trying to fix yourself all the time, all it does is make us feel broken.

00;35;34;22 – 00;35;35;25
Speaker 1
Or confused.

00;35;35;28 – 00;35;38;12
Speaker 3
Or confused. But you know.

00;35;38;12 – 00;35;45;08
Speaker 1
What is as much a methods like I am? I’m like, oh yeah, like what’s the what? What do I work on today? I got so many things I have to work on.

00;35;45;10 – 00;35;50;07
Speaker 2
Right, exactly. And so and, and you’re one of the best people I know. So stop saying.

00;35;50;07 – 00;35;53;09
Speaker 3
That. Oh, okay.

00;35;53;11 – 00;35;56;22
Speaker 1
I was fishing there, I did it, you know? Yeah. You say nice things about me.

00;35;56;29 – 00;36;02;00
Speaker 3
Yeah. Because you,

00;36;02;02 – 00;36;32;18
Speaker 2
As soon as we start making all it all making ourselves wrong all the time does is feed the wrong. Right. And so then we’re we’re always feeling like there’s something wrong with us. So we’re always searching for something new, and. Oh, maybe if I go to this person, it’ll fix it. And the truth is, we have to learn how to sit with our feelings and let them let our body know and our mind know that we’re safe.

00;36;32;20 – 00;36;56;16
Speaker 2
Nobody’s coming to get you. Nobody’s, you know, and when when we have those feelings and we can’t quite release them, maybe we need to have a, you know, I mean, it’s not bad to have a coach or a therapist or things like that. I just want people to remember, like, don’t make yourself wrong. Don’t spend your life making yourself wrong, because that’s so sad.

00;36;56;18 – 00;36;56;21
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;36;56;23 – 00;37;04;26
Speaker 2
And it just keeps it going. And I know that’s hard to do.

00;37;04;29 – 00;37;07;19
Speaker 1
So.

00;37;07;21 – 00;37;09;09
Speaker 1
With regards to the book.

00;37;09;12 – 00;37;09;27
Speaker 3
Oh.

00;37;10;00 – 00;37;27;19
Speaker 1
You’re writing this book. You’re sharing lots of personal stuff. Some of the trauma and tragedy. You know, some of them are it. You know, it just wild to me that any human should experience some of those things can I know?

00;37;27;22 – 00;37;30;06
Speaker 3
Yeah. What’s that?

00;37;30;08 – 00;37;31;24
Speaker 2
Yeah. It’s crazy.

00;37;31;26 – 00;37;54;24
Speaker 1
Yeah. It’s wild. And when you’re writing this book and you’re putting this stuff together and you’re talking about some of the, ways that you have found to. I don’t want to say cope, because that’s not the right word. Cope doesn’t sound like overcoming or triumph, you know what it’s like. But the ways that you’ve been able to improve your life.

00;37;55;26 – 00;38;02;11
Speaker 1
When you are writing this, like, who are you writing this book for? I guess.

00;38;02;13 – 00;38;06;00
Speaker 2
Yeah, I think it’s for for people who.

00;38;06;03 – 00;38;06;26
Speaker 3
Are.

00;38;06;28 – 00;38;14;12
Speaker 2
Sick, kind of sick of themselves and, predicaments they put themselves in without knowing it.

00;38;16;03 – 00;38;35;00
Speaker 2
They’ve maybe oftentimes they’ve done the therapy, they’ve had coaches, they’ve done this, they’ve done that. But their self-worth is still quite not there or they’re feelings of confidence or you know, they feel like something’s still missing.

00;38;35;27 – 00;38;47;01
Speaker 2
And sometimes that has to do with just going a little deeper and digging a little deeper. And also.

00;38;47;04 – 00;39;17;11
Speaker 2
Like I’m not afraid to give people language to use. You know when they’re, they’ve got to have a conversation, whether it’s a business owner that’s working with an employee or a, you know, employee that’s working with us, with an owner or it’s their partner or it’s their children or whatever. Sometimes we need some words, that just help us to go, oh, right.

00;39;17;14 – 00;39;30;29
Speaker 2
I don’t have to go like this. If you stop doing this or I’m this or. And instead of saying. So what I’m noticing is or, you know, whatever, right?

00;39;31;01 – 00;39;32;05
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;39;32;07 – 00;39;50;23
Speaker 2
You know, start with y or for me, you know, when it’s with people that you’re really close to and business, you know as well mostly. But that feels like something that’s really important that people don’t know how to have that next level communication.

00;39;51;15 – 00;40;23;17
Speaker 2
You know how many people know that over the last few years that I would ask them because occasionally I would work with people that are having really complicated, relationships and whether it was the couple or the, or the, one of the individuals in in the conversation, I would say to you, would you rather have, well, just get a divorce and have no conversation or have a conversation and then work your way through it?

00;40;23;17 – 00;40;29;07
Speaker 2
They would almost always say, I’d rather just get a divorce than have the conversation.

00;40;30;16 – 00;40;38;22
Speaker 2
Which is maybe we have more tools now I’m talking, you know, I’ve been coaching for about 17, 18 years, something like that.

00;40;38;25 – 00;40;39;10
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;40;39;12 – 00;40;48;13
Speaker 2
The first few years that was more common. I think we have more tools now with podcasts and, you know, friends and coaches and things like that.

00;40;49;02 – 00;40;55;03
Speaker 2
But sometimes people just they, they cannot have a conversation.

00;40;55;06 – 00;40;57;23
Speaker 1
Yeah. Communications are.

00;40;57;25 – 00;40;57;29
Speaker 3
It.

00;40;57;29 – 00;41;02;09
Speaker 2
Can be can be especially.

00;41;03;12 – 00;41;07;09
Speaker 2
And you’ve heard of reflective listening.

00;41;07;11 – 00;41;11;03
Speaker 1
I think only through you. But please, for me, please describe it.

00;41;11;05 – 00;41;16;17
Speaker 2
It’s just a really good speaking from personal experience.

00;41;16;20 – 00;41;18;02
Speaker 3
So really good to all to you.

00;41;18;02 – 00;41;37;29
Speaker 2
It was. I, yeah, we went to this, Margot therapist at one point in time. You know, Kevin and I are the most happy couple on the planet, and we’ve had our moments. Right? And we were both willing to like, oh, let’s let’s look at this picture. We had sort of this pattern that was happening at one point in time.

00;41;38;02 – 00;42;03;08
Speaker 2
And and so I learned reflective listening. And it’s basically and let me just tell you, a lot of people get triggered by this. What I’m hearing you say, you don’t have to word it exactly like that, but it does help. So you say, listen, is there something going on here? Is there something you know in the person, you know, they’re mad or whatever, and they say blah, blah, blah.

00;42;03;09 – 00;42;27;16
Speaker 2
And you say, oh, what? I’m what I’m hearing you say is this did I get it? And then you go on to they said the next thing and sometimes people just need to be heard and honest to God, like they need to say what they need to say without us defending without us. I mean, defensiveness was my. Yeah, I was really good at that.

00;42;27;18 – 00;42;28;29
Speaker 1
That was your superpower.

00;42;29;02 – 00;42;41;08
Speaker 2
As my superpower. Oh, yeah. So it just changes the whole conversation. And some couples, you know, aren’t meant to stay together, but some are.

00;42;42;28 – 00;42;58;10
Speaker 2
And then we just get in the next relationship, and that same exact thing happens. Only it’s a different flavor, like, it’s vanilla ice cream. You know, that’s, you know what? Hold it. But that one’s got chocolate chips and one’s got caramel swirls. You know.

00;42;58;13 – 00;42;58;26
Speaker 3
The.

00;42;58;29 – 00;43;00;10
Speaker 2
Same pattern.

00;43;00;13 – 00;43;01;05
Speaker 1
Same pattern.

00;43;01;05 – 00;43;03;25
Speaker 3
Yeah, well, yeah.

00;43;03;25 – 00;43;16;10
Speaker 1
So would you say that a lot of the work that you’re doing with your clients is to recognize or identify the patterns and then help them find tools to deal with those patterns?

00;43;16;12 – 00;43;17;16
Speaker 2
Absolutely.

00;43;17;18 – 00;43;30;06
Speaker 1
Like, are the are the patterns inherently bad, or is it just that the, the pattern itself and the result that you typically get from it are always the same. And so you’re looking to change it?

00;43;30;08 – 00;43;33;03
Speaker 2
Well, it depends on how damaging the pattern is.

00;43;33;06 – 00;43;33;27
Speaker 3
Okay.

00;43;34;00 – 00;43;51;21
Speaker 2
Like a pattern could be as simple as like oh when I, when I, you know, notice something, I just go for a walk. It’s great pattern, right? How many people learn that when they’re kids? It’s all about our childhood.

00;43;51;23 – 00;43;52;26
Speaker 3
Honestly, it’s.

00;43;52;27 – 00;43;55;25
Speaker 2
And it’s not like I want it to be about our childhood. It’s just.

00;43;55;25 – 00;43;57;08
Speaker 3
The right. It just.

00;43;57;08 – 00;43;58;26
Speaker 1
Is. Yeah, yeah, well.

00;43;58;28 – 00;44;04;09
Speaker 2
Not like, you know, I’m not saying. Oh, if you had a great childhood. Good.

00;44;04;12 – 00;44;05;22
Speaker 3
I love that.

00;44;05;25 – 00;44;06;11
Speaker 2
You know.

00;44;06;19 – 00;44;07;11
Speaker 3
You know.

00;44;07;13 – 00;44;10;25
Speaker 2
Pattern. You were too well taken care of. And now you just want to be taken care.

00;44;10;25 – 00;44;12;07
Speaker 3
Of.

00;44;12;09 – 00;44;23;10
Speaker 2
And you get fired from jobs because you don’t, you know, you don’t really know how to work. And, you know, unlike me, who had to make dinners and do the dishes and take care of my younger brother and sister and, you.

00;44;23;10 – 00;44;24;14
Speaker 3
Know, like all this.

00;44;24;21 – 00;44;31;02
Speaker 2
You know, now I’m, I’m like, ridiculously hyper independent, which doesn’t serve me.

00;44;32;10 – 00;44;34;23
Speaker 2
And I’m, it’s a practice for me.

00;44;35;00 – 00;44;36;02
Speaker 1
It’s a practice. Yeah.

00;44;36;07 – 00;44;41;08
Speaker 2
Well offered and the are were receiving.

00;44;41;10 – 00;44;42;09
Speaker 1
Yes.

00;44;42;12 – 00;44;45;06
Speaker 3
If.

00;44;45;08 – 00;45;03;17
Speaker 1
It’s. It’s interesting that comes back and it’s really funny too that you that you’re mentioning that because when I was, going back through the book and looking at stuff and like one of the exercises you have to do was like, write your childhood self a letter.

00;45;03;19 – 00;45;15;10
Speaker 1
And I was like, oh, no, I don’t want to do that. So I was like, oh shit, that’s probably there’s probably something there. I should probably investigate, should probably, take a look at. But I don’t want to carry.

00;45;15;13 – 00;45;17;28
Speaker 3
Oh, this is, this is, is, are you.

00;45;18;04 – 00;45;26;13
Speaker 2
Are you happy? I know you’ve got you’re a you have, I think, a pretty good life. Yeah. We have things that we’re working on. All of us. Right.

00;45;26;15 – 00;45;28;21
Speaker 3
Yeah. Everybody does.

00;45;28;23 – 00;45;53;15
Speaker 2
And it’s okay not to write yourself a letter, but if there’s things that are still lingering, I feel like it is so beneficial. Like nobody’s ever. You know, it’s not like somebody said to me along the way, God, you’re. Look at you. You’re taking care of this, that, that, that you’re in and out of the hospital. You’re you’re this, you’re there.

00;45;53;15 – 00;45;57;06
Speaker 2
Let’s oh my goodness what a good job. No one.

00;45;58;15 – 00;46;15;13
Speaker 2
You know so sometimes I know I talk about inner children but it’s our childhood right. Yeah I mean I still have one of them that kind of wants to sit over in the corner. She’s a teenager. She’s like can we just not do this anymore.

00;46;15;16 – 00;46;16;16
Speaker 3
You know.

00;46;16;18 – 00;46;28;18
Speaker 2
And once in a while I have to say, come on, like, let’s have some fun. She’s the one who doesn’t want to have fun because it’s not safe, right? You know? So does that make sense? I’m. I’m saying it. Did I even answer your question that time?

00;46;28;19 – 00;46;51;10
Speaker 1
No, it does to me. Yes, it does to me. And and again I, you know, well you mentioned the inner child stuff. I think it’s fascinating. You know, there’s, was a Doctor Burns transactional analysis from like the 1960s. And they talk a lot about inner child and, natural child and all that stuff. And it’s it’s fascinating to see how that stuff actually shows up in your day to day.

00;46;51;13 – 00;47;02;18
Speaker 1
Whether it’s your personality or how you do things or what you do and, why you do it, it’s really interesting stuff. And, it’s. Yeah. Not to go off on a big tangent that.

00;47;02;19 – 00;47;04;04
Speaker 3
But, no, no, it.

00;47;04;04 – 00;47;04;17
Speaker 2
Is.

00;47;04;17 – 00;47;06;07
Speaker 3
It’s interesting.

00;47;06;09 – 00;47;16;26
Speaker 1
And fascinating that it’s a thing and that it, you know, even at 48 years old, there’s probably some stuff from my childhood that’s still impacting my day to day as we speak. Right.

00;47;16;28 – 00;47;17;29
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;47;18;01 – 00;47;19;19
Speaker 2
Did I say how old I am?

00;47;19;22 – 00;47;22;17
Speaker 3
You can say your.

00;47;22;19 – 00;47;27;17
Speaker 1
I will ask how old you are because you’re not supposed to do that. But you are welcome to volunteer that information care.

00;47;27;19 – 00;47;30;21
Speaker 2
Well, what’s interesting is 70. I’m still learning things.

00;47;30;24 – 00;47;32;01
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;47;32;03 – 00;47;57;10
Speaker 2
You know, and I don’t I don’t feel like I’m an old person. I can’t stand it when people people say I’m so old. I’m like, Will you shut up? Like, you know, I age isn’t a death sentence. Yes, you’re going to die someday, but could you just live while you’re here? You know, I get some fresh air, you know, like I can’t expect everybody to be like me.

00;47;57;13 – 00;48;03;27
Speaker 2
But I just feel like. Stop it.

00;48;03;29 – 00;48;05;26
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;48;05;28 – 00;48;09;03
Speaker 1
So I know we’re getting short on time, so.

00;48;09;05 – 00;48;10;19
Speaker 3
No, no. Okay.

00;48;10;21 – 00;48;18;03
Speaker 1
I just want to make sure we get everything in, so the book unbroken, turning your pieces into peace and joy.

00;48;18;05 – 00;48;19;03
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;48;19;06 – 00;48;21;12
Speaker 1
Where can people get it?

00;48;21;14 – 00;48;33;01
Speaker 2
It’s on my website at Ruby Red road.com, and it’s also on Amazon. Excuse me. Also on Amazon.

00;48;33;04 – 00;48;33;22
Speaker 3
And just.

00;48;33;22 – 00;48;39;18
Speaker 2
Make sure, like, it’s easy, there’s a lot of, unbroken titles.

00;48;39;23 – 00;48;43;01
Speaker 3
Very.

00;48;43;03 – 00;48;51;11
Speaker 1
Get some too. If anyone that’s read the book knows that you like a lot of tea and that you’re not heating the water in the microwave anymore, so that you.

00;48;51;13 – 00;48;58;25
Speaker 2
Should we start this again? No, I’m just kidding. God appropriate time. Right. Don’t be saying, Karen, let’s give you a little.

00;49;01;14 – 00;49;18;24
Speaker 2
Yeah. So it’s on my website and Amazon. It’s easiest sometimes that comes up when you put in unbroken turning your pieces into peace and joy, but sometimes you have to put my name there. Okay, there’s. I can realize how many books were named unbroken.

00;49;18;26 – 00;49;22;06
Speaker 3
Yeah. After I did it, but.

00;49;22;09 – 00;49;23;02
Speaker 2
That was the name.

00;49;23;02 – 00;49;24;13
Speaker 3
So the name.

00;49;24;15 – 00;49;33;18
Speaker 1
And one more time we talked about it. But just again, the people that are going to get the most out of this book who are like.

00;49;33;20 – 00;49;40;25
Speaker 3
Yeah, they are. People who.

00;49;40;27 – 00;50;14;06
Speaker 2
Really want to get to know themselves. They’ve done the work. They feel like something’s missing. They’d like to, you know, I work with a lot of entrepreneurs. I mean, it sounds crazy, but sometimes. I mean, there’s this match between being this independent person with also just having all these things that are following around behind you that you would like to at least, at least solve the puzzle pieces.

00;50;14;09 – 00;50;21;29
Speaker 2
And then have some tools to move forward with, like, what’s it say on here? Let me see.

00;50;22;01 – 00;50;22;25
Speaker 1
For this down here.

00;50;23;00 – 00;50;24;09
Speaker 3
I what’s it.

00;50;24;10 – 00;50;35;21
Speaker 2
Say on the back? It says I wrote this book for anyone who has carried pain, shame or silence, thinking they had to hold it all together.

00;50;38;05 – 00;50;41;21
Speaker 2
Yeah. I mean, most of the people that I work with have had trauma.

00;50;43;04 – 00;50;46;22
Speaker 2
Most of us have, but some are more significant.

00;50;46;24 – 00;50;47;21
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;50;47;24 – 00;51;05;07
Speaker 2
And they don’t understand the pieces and how to a lot of people don’t know how to set boundaries for themselves. Once again, I’m not a big fan of like, category words. Boundaries, I think is one of them these days.

00;51;05;09 – 00;51;06;11
Speaker 3
Okay.

00;51;06;13 – 00;51;25;05
Speaker 2
But to be able to be more intentional around their life, to have to make decisions based on worrying, not worrying about other people, but caring about people, but not selling their soul for the sake of others all the time.

00;51;25;28 – 00;51;36;18
Speaker 2
And just wearing themselves out a lot of people experience burnout. They don’t know what it’s from. But sometimes when you experience burnout, it’s from all that stuff you haven’t dealt with yet.

00;51;36;20 – 00;51;37;28
Speaker 3
Okay.

00;51;38;01 – 00;51;42;07
Speaker 2
And it sounds crazy, but it’s just true.

00;51;42;09 – 00;51;45;09
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;51;45;11 – 00;51;52;26
Speaker 1
And then if people want to get a hold of you, they’re interested in working with you. They have questions about the process or how you work with them. How do people find you for that?

00;51;52;26 – 00;52;08;23
Speaker 2
So yeah, it’s on my website. They can just, you know, submit, you know, get in touch with me. You can also just email direct to me, because that’s if you go to my website, that’s what it’s going to do anyway.

00;52;08;25 – 00;52;20;19
Speaker 2
And it’s Karen at Ruby. Ruby red arrow add ruby red arrow.com.

00;52;20;21 – 00;52;21;11
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;52;21;14 – 00;52;23;13
Speaker 2
Karen at Ruby red out.

00;52;23;16 – 00;52;24;08
Speaker 3
Okay.

00;52;24;10 – 00;52;33;05
Speaker 1
Okay. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me about your book. I really did enjoy it. Now it’s my turn to need a glass of water here.

00;52;34;12 – 00;52;54;22
Speaker 1
I really did enjoy it. And again, you know, a lot of respect for you for being able to share those pieces of yourself. With complete strangers and putting yourself out there very, we I we talked about it, I think, on the last episode, that we recorded with you maybe a year ago, a year and a half ago, when you came out to the farm.

00;52;54;25 – 00;53;06;23
Speaker 1
But just the act of even running a blog is sometimes challenging, let alone putting together a whole book. And, I thought it was great. I certainly things I’m going to be going back to in there. So thanks for writing it.

00;53;06;25 – 00;53;30;15
Speaker 2
Yeah. Thank you. And thank you for having me. I always appreciate your your wisdom here. You know the way I don’t know. You help people. One of the things that what’s the word you use unwavering I never forget that like unwavering is so important. And I think of it sometimes. What would be the unwavering support thing today?

00;53;30;17 – 00;53;31;09
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;53;31;11 – 00;53;50;22
Speaker 2
Like my answer for, you know, whoever, And how can I do it? Like. And you also care about people a lot. You I know that’s part of the unwavering part, but you you. You notice things. You help people that need help.

00;53;51;29 – 00;53;55;21
Speaker 2
I don’t know your participate in life.

00;53;55;24 – 00;54;06;21
Speaker 1
I’m trying to be caring. And I’m also trying to take the compliments that you’re giving me. And, Not not deprecate too much, and, Yeah. So.

00;54;06;21 – 00;54;09;28
Speaker 3
Yeah. Thank you for the families. Yeah.

00;54;09;28 – 00;54;11;07
Speaker 2
Thank you for having me.

00;54;11;09 – 00;54;30;17
Speaker 1
Absolutely. Thanks for being you. And, appreciate you. And actually, I should say to, you know, as you’re talking about, we help, you know, you and I work together off and on throughout the years, different times. And without a doubt, it’s. I’m always very business focused and trying to achieve and do the things I’m trying to do.

00;54;30;23 – 00;54;52;18
Speaker 1
But I also know that it’s always the trash in my head that’s getting in the way, and you have always been unwavering in your support to help me with that stuff. And to help me with it. And I’ve always gained a lot from our time together. So I just want to say that, it’s, you know, when you and I worked together wasn’t because we were doing any kind of trauma work.

00;54;52;18 – 00;55;10;13
Speaker 1
It was. I’m trying to be more successful in life. And you are helping me see the blind spots, and or helping me see the, patterns that I have there maybe are blind spots. I don’t see them. So, I really I respect you and the work you do and, you know, very appreciative of it. So.

00;55;10;15 – 00;55;15;03
Speaker 3
Thank you, thank you. Appreciate. Okay. Yeah.

00;55;15;06 – 00;55;32;27
Speaker 1
And we appreciate everybody’s listening to this. Of course. So thanks, everybody for listening. You can find all of our podcasts on buying local.us as well as listen to them or watch them on Spotify, YouTube, Rumble and Apple Podcasts. So thanks everybody for listening and you’ll hear from us next week.