Practical Tools to Reduce Stress and Build Resilience

When Rachael Charbonneau began her career, she did not set out to become a mental health and well-being coach. A Saratoga native and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Charbonneau initially pursued graphic design, later working with health care innovators in San Francisco. But her early struggles with chronic stomach issues, acne, and stress led her to a deeper realization: physical symptoms often have emotional roots.

“Stress had a lot to do with it,” she reflects. That insight became the foundation for her work today, helping clients navigate stress, build resilience, and make meaningful progress toward personal growth.

At the core of Charbonneau’s approach is Acceptance and Commitment Coaching (ACC), an adaptation of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. In simple terms, she says, it helps people “show up for the things in their life that are really important to them, more often, even if it’s uncomfortable to do so.”

The Power, and Problem, of Thoughts

Many people seeking growth feel stuck in loops of negative thinking: replaying conversations, questioning past decisions, or asking “why” long after an event has passed. According to Charbonneau, this isn’t a personal failure. It’s how the brain is wired.

“Our brains were built on problem solving,” she explains. Drawing from Relational Frame Theory, a framework underlying ACT, she notes that humans learn language and meaning through comparison and connection. Over time, the brain becomes highly skilled at identifying threats and predicting outcomes — a useful survival tool that can backfire in modern life.

When there’s no clear resolution to a situation, the brain keeps trying to solve it. This is why unfinished relationships or ambiguous endings can replay endlessly in someone’s mind. The brain seeks closure.

The result? Thoughts feel powerful. Overwhelming. Convincing.

But Charbonneau is quick to clarify: powerful does not mean true.

One of the key skills in Acceptance and Commitment Coaching is cognitive diffusion — creating space between yourself and your thoughts. Instead of chasing every mental narrative, you learn to observe them. She likens it to sitting beside a highway and watching cars pass. You do not have to run into traffic to inspect each one.

This shift from being inside a thought to observing it can reduce stress dramatically. It does not eliminate discomfort. It changes your relationship to it.

Acceptance Is Not Resignation

A common misconception is that acceptance means giving up. Charbonneau disagrees.

Acceptance, in this context, means acknowledging that thoughts and emotions exist without automatically obeying them. “It’s not accepting them as truth,” she says. “It’s accepting that they’re there.”

When people fight their internal experience, stress expands. The more we attempt to control or suppress thoughts, the more mental space they consume. By contrast, allowing feelings to exist — even painful ones — often reduces their intensity over time.

Meditation practices such as loving-kindness or simple awareness exercises can strengthen this skill. But Charbonneau emphasizes that these practices work best when developed outside of crisis moments. Just as athletes train before competition, resilience is built before it is urgently needed.

Values: The Compass for Growth

If acceptance creates space, values provide direction.

One of the most powerful tools Charbonneau uses with clients is clarifying values. Not surface-level aspirations, but deeply held principles that define what matters most.

“What do you really care about?” she asks.

Values can evolve over time. They are not static personality traits but living priorities shaped by experience. When individuals identify what truly matters — connection, vitality, creativity, integrity — those values become a compass.

Motivation often fades when tied to outcomes alone. But values endure. For example, exercising because you “should” is fragile motivation. Exercising because you value long-term health and want to be present for loved ones is far more resilient.

Once values are clear, the next step is committed action: taking small, consistent steps aligned with them, even when discomfort arises.

Growth, Charbonneau reminds clients, does not require eliminating fear or doubt. It requires moving forward with them.

Why Awareness Is Hard — and Worth It

Many people ask why staying aware of thoughts and emotions is so difficult. The answer, Charbonneau says simply, is that we are human.

Modern life is busy. The brain is constantly scanning for problems. Without practice, we slip into autopilot. That is normal.

The goal is not 24-hour perfect awareness. It is gradually strengthening the ability to pause, notice, and choose.

Resilience, then, is not about controlling every thought. It is about building the flexibility to respond differently. To let uncomfortable emotions coexist with meaningful action. To accept uncertainty without freezing in it.

Over time, what once consumed mental space begins to shrink. Not because it was forced away, but because it was no longer fed by resistance.

In Charbonneau’s work, stress is not the enemy. It is often a signal — pointing toward what matters, what hurts, and what deserves attention. With acceptance, clarity of values, and committed action, individuals can transform that stress into growth.

The mind may always generate noise. But resilience comes from learning you do not have to obey every thought it produces.

For more on Rachael Charbonneau’s work, visit rachaelcharbonneau.com, where she shares her coaching philosophy, services, and practical tools for building resilience.

You can also subscribe to her writing at rachaelcharbonneau.substack.com for deeper reflections and actionable insights on stress, growth, and intentional living, and follow her on Instagram @rachaelcharbonneau.